Delulu

There’s this girl I adore. Her name is Maisie.

She is a dog.

I call her ‘Piss Girl’. I call her ‘Rat’. I call her ‘Punk Ass’. I call her ‘Menace’.

I often give her the finger.

All in good humor, of course. She may not understand what my words or gestures mean but she can parse out tone. So I make absolute sure my voice does not drip with venom when I call her those words because she’s just a lil’ baby and does not need to learn what cruelty sounds like. While I scratch her neck or belly or behind her ears or lift her up and hold her in my arms or kiss her snout or the top of her head, the only tone in my voice is adoration.

She’s just a lil’ baby. Adoration and safety is all she needs to know.

It’s only fair. Adoration and safety is all she has ever given me. Sure she has accidently scratched me. Sure she pisses the floor in excitement when I go to visit her. Sure she doesn’t understand the concept of personal space so she will sprawl across me in the middle of summer. Sure she barks when she really doesn’t need to be barking. She’s forgiven for all of it. Easily. I’ve taken breaths that were harder to take than the ease at which I forgive her for any annoyance. Not because she’s a dog. But because she’s Miss Maisie.

Miss Maisie, you see, will sometimes fall right asleep when I’m holding her. Her head will flop back like she doesn’t have to worry about straining her neck and I won’t even realize she’s asleep until one of her owners tells me that she is.

The world taught me so many lessons and she undid them all simply by falling asleep in my arms. Dogs are supposed to be good at sensing danger and ill will, right? She wouldn’t fall asleep if she didn’t trust me, right?

Perhaps I’m not so bad.

Listen I know I could be reading too much into this and she’s just dumb and sleepy. It’s fine if that’s the case. Little delusions are needed to get through life and if this is one of mine, then so be it. I’m happy to join Crazy Maisie in the warm and safe world her owners give her. For a day. For a couple hours. For a couple minutes.

For just a few seconds.

I give her adoration and safety and she gives it right back.